My Sweet Little Ella

today is the day that my little girl would have been 4 years old. i can't imagine what life would be like if she where here with us. i'm making a spot in my blog to reflect on my thoughts of her and how special she is to me. i went through a full 9 month of pregnancy and for anyone who has been preggo before you know of that excitement that comes the moment you find out that you are expecting. then the day you hear the heart beat, the first movement that you feel and that ultrasound finding out that i was having a little girl! my whole life i wanted nothing more than to have a family. to give all the love that i have to a special little person of my own. i've always looked at children with such love and just feel the spirit radiate from them. however i never really knew what it would be like to fully love a child as i did my own. well my first pregnancy went perfect until the end. there where no signs of problems. that little girl was healthy and seemed to me to be very active and happy. i couldn't wait! but on march 10, 2006 my heart was shattered and will never again be completely put back together. the doc couldn't find a heartbeat and at that moment i knew that i would never see my little girl alive in this life. it's hard to explain what kind of pain that is because i can't really explain how much i love my children to give you the full effect. there are no words for that kind of sorrow. my sister in law said it really well when telling her sister what it was like to be a mom. aubry said, "it's like having your heart in someone else. you just don't realize how much you can love someone." this is pretty accurate it really felt that way while at the same time i experienced what felt like my heart had just stopped beating. it died that day with my sweet ella. however difficult those hours, i knew that i was being watched over and taken care of. in those same moments is when i really truly understood our heavenly father. i never felt as close to god as i did in that hospital room. i knew that angels where watching over me and my family i could just feel them crowding the room. i knew how important Jesus Christ and his atonement is. he was the reason that i'm going to get to be with my little girl again. i'm terrible at bearing my testimony in public (due to my extreme shyness) but i will tell you all right now that i know Christ lives. i know that he is with my little baby right know. i know that he has a plan for me whether it's the one i want or not! he loves us so very much and he really does carry me when i can't seem to take another step. i love my family, my husband, my little bridger and even my dog! they have been my strength over these past four years and are the keys to having helped me put my heart back together as best as it can be! i miss you my sweet ella and your momma always will!

ok so i started it, my new blog! hope the name isn't too corny oh well i was just so excited to get it going! i really hope that you will participate and have fun doing so! it's a bi-weekly thing so you shouldn't feel to rushed in getting a photo to me so that i can post them! anyhoo check it out i put a link to it on the right if you have problems getting to it let me know and i'll work to fix it. also i'm not so good at all the comp stuff yet but i'm working on it so if you have any idea's or suggestions feel free to let me know!

Great Idea!

ok so i've decided that i'm going to make a blog about photography! however it will be a fun blog and a shared blog for anyone to do. here's how it will work i'll put out a theme for every two weeks and that theme is what you and myself can take photo's of. it could be anything like windows, love, self portrait and your interpretation. then you send them to me and i can post them on the blog! it's obviously a blog for amateurs but that's ok. it's supposed to be just for fun but also so we can get an eye for photography. so anyone can do it no matter what kinda camera or skill level. we could even do spotlights and stuff etc. but here is the deal i need to think of a name for it before i can do it soooo..... all you creative friends and family please post your suggestions! thanks

bridgers new favorite thing to....

yell is


MMMMMOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!


i feel so loved!

a day in the park

the weather has been warming up a bit so we have been spending some time outside! i have found the best part it's so pretty and i get to take a ton of fun pics. i can't wait for spring and summer to get here...

this is aidan and i with matching hats so we took a pic and he made me post it!
briger's fairy godmother came up for a short visit and he had a blast seeing her! thanks becca we had tons of fun!

this is aidan and bridger playing at the park.

this pic is of the whole fam but my head is in the light so we are going to have to get a better pic but the batts on my camera died =(.

this is after the park adian ran to wall-mart and i was on the couch reading. bridger started to be very quiet and when i looked up he had pulled the disgusting door mat on to himself like a blanket and fell asleep in the corner! he was one tired little boy and yes i do have plenty of blankets for the little guy he just likes the rug for some reason!

this is how bridger likes to slide down the slide and he goes all by himself! his personality is really starting to shine!

i don't like very many pics of myself (hence why there are so few of me that i post) but i like this one... well for the most part! the little boy in it just makes it wonderful!

these are my boys only one missing is yoda bear.

the stuff you find in your closets...

alright so i have decided it's time for a major spring cleaning (i feel that if i call it spring cleaning maybe spring will come faster) and i found this in my closet and thought it was pretty cool that once upon a time i drew it! (natalie from snow will remember this) it was part of our art class final! we had to draw a self portrait....so i think i drew three or four can't really remember but anyhoo i found this one. wow i look young and skinny in it and it's just my face lol! those where some fun times back @ snow wish i could still play sand v ball every afternoon stay up until 4 and sleep in until 4 (i have no idea how i graduated). i would have posted some other drawings but i realized they really aren't all that good so i'm sparing you but hope you have fun thinking of your school experiences too! i have this problem every time i try to deep clean i just find stuff and get side tracked on a road down memory lane!

another fun day of photos

ok so i'm sorry if your sick of pictures but it's what i've been up too lately and hey it's my blog right? anyhoo my sister and i decided to get some pics of her boys and bridger and they turned out so cute! these are just a few of them but it however was hard to pick! oh and someone asked what kinda camera i got... it's a nicon d 3000 and it's a lot of fun! i'm thinking about getting photo shop so if anyone out there can give me some lessons on how to work it that would be great! also if anyone want some free pics i can shoot ya anytime just let me know.

This is i think my all time favorite picture i just love it! the three boys running poor bridger just trying to keep up!