2 Weeks Old

in my younger years i remember walking around holding my dolls being the best mother in the world. i would wrap them up in their little blankets, feed them, change their diapers and brush their hair. i'm sure by the time i was 5 i was a perfect mother for those plastic little creations. even in high school i still got to play mommy for child development with an egg and with the simulated dolls that cry randomly and you have to hold the key until they shut up. but no amount of life training whether formal or just play time growing up trained me for this. the bridge is two week old now and wow i haven't had time to do really anything for myself. all he does is cry, poop and eat. and then with maybe an hour of sleep the cycle begins again cry, poop, eat. there is no magic key to hold to turn the loud crying off and instead of the wonderful smell of plastic out comes a mustard yellow stink (and that is not an egg yolk like what happened to my egg baby). i never knew how long a night could last until now. but slowly things are changing or i'm changing. i don't care anymore if i get poop on my hands or spit up down my shirt like i use to when it was my nieces and nephews. i love that i can pick something so little and scared after getting his foot poked by the nurse and have him cuddle to his mommy for comfort. i love that most the time when he is screaming it's because we just can't figure out what he wants. for instance last night he was so hungry but he wouldn't eat i had done everything i could think of i even warmed the bottle for the third time i began to thing i must have just ate something bad and he was rejecting my breast milk. then aidan came out and tried for a bit and then he pulled out the bottle and it wasn't letting any food out of the nipple. after i quickly fixed the problem little brigder settled right down had dinner and went right to sleep. so now after two weeks a no sleep and having an infant show you how many mistake you make you learn how to really serve and to really love unconditionally. because when i think there may be some real problem going on with the little guy all he wants to do is cry, poop and eat but he always mixes it with a whole lot of love. something a plastic doll can never teach you.

Meet Bridger Glen Goodwin

Born at 6:56pm on Sept 8 2008. Weight 7 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long
We are so excited to have him here; he is such a little cutie. it was a lot of fun and very exhausting but it was well worth the effort.

Ella Adison, My Little Angel

This is a blanket her aunts made for her and it is what she was buried with to keep warm.
this is the only big expensive gift i'll ever be able to buy for her and i made sure it was perfect.
it was amazing how giving others are in a time of need we felt so loved by so many.
aidan was my strength during this time and yoda bear helped to fill in the hollowness i felt and helped me to get up out of bed every morning. he will always be special to us.

this is me holding my little girl in the hospital i only got to have her in my arms for such a short time but i'm glad i did have that opportunity. she is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen.

i'm sorry if this blog bother some people. i however have been thinking a lot about my first child since this is about the time in my 1st pregnancy that we lost her. i am putting up some pictures of things that have a special place in my heart that remind me of her. then next week i'll hopefully get to put up some really cute pictures of her bother. but she'll never be forgotten or replaced.

alright i finally took the baby thing off that had malfunctioned and was stuck on 19 weeks. but it feels good to know that i have a week left and hopefully i'll have a baby in my arms and ready to bring home. sept 11th is the big day so keep your fingers crossed.