five missing candles

today there should have been a birthday cake with five candles on it. instead there is just one pink headstone with two adorable little ruby shoes tied on. the only gifts a mother gets to give her her oldest baby on her birthday. i'd like to think that one day she'll use those shoes like dorthy from the "wizard of ozz" and find her way back home. i can just see her walking down a yellow brick road holding her little sisters hand getting her ready to come to her family. i just pray that she helps her get here safely. there is not a day that goes by that my heart doesn't ache for my sweet ella. she will always be my little girl and i will always wonder what might have been. i watch bridger play and am amazed by his personality and feel a special spark in life is missing because she is not here. i can only look forward to the day i'll get to see her again. i am so grateful for the atonement and all that Christ did for us just so we could all be a family together again. so for now i'll hold on to the precious little angels i do have and enjoy every moment i get with them. then when the time comes (hopefully when i'm old and grey) and i've learned all i need to learn i'll use those Ruby red shoes and click those little heals and repeat "there is no place like home". that will be the best family reunion i could ever imagine.